Today marks my first day of school and while I’m more than ready to get on with the semester, this period of transition has never been easy for me. Growing up, I carried the same sentiments. I was always more than ready to go back but dreaded the massive build-up (hurray for a fresh start!) and consequent let down (oh wait, I have to actually do work) of the ‘back to school’ season. Now that I’m in college, I feel an entirely new pressure this time of year. With every new semester I inch closer and closer to graduation. It once felt like a far off destination I would never reach, but now suddenly looms in my very near future.
This summer marked a serious turning point in my college career. I had to face that obnoxious question every 20-something must conquer on their path to self-actualization.
"So, what do you want to do?"
Every time I hear this question, I cringe. Sometimes I'll lie, and answer what I think the recipient wants to hear. Typically that response ranges from doctor, lawyer, or engineer, depending upon the person. Other times I answer it (honestly) with the classic, "You know, I'm not really sure yet." The reason I'm OK with lying is because the response to the latter typically isn't great. That #JudgingYou look is all too familiar for me. While I try to cut myself some slack, I'm still a 20-year-old born right in the middle of the work-a-holic millennial generation. Not having a solid answer to that question irritates me to the core.
It's funny to think how much things change in a year. My freshman year, I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do, so I tried out as many different things as I could. My hope was that something would 'click' and I would instantly know that I was on the right path. Last year at this time, however, I was pretty certain I had my life figured out. After shifting between many different career paths, I settled on something that I thought was the right choice for me. Turns out, settling was exactly what I was doing. I was settling on something that I thought others deemed worthy for me to do. It wasn't necessarily what I loved to do, but that hardly mattered to me. Other people seemed to be impressed by it, so that was enough to keep me going... for a short while. Not surprisingly, early on last semester, I realized I didn't want to do that anymore. That 'click' I talked about earlier never really happened.
After bouncing around from dream-to-dream and a summer in NYC doing lots of different things to try and find my passion, I decided that this semester I would just chill out. That doesn't mean I won't be doing anything. No, I'm physically incapable of sitting still for more than 10 minutes. I mean that I'm going to do what I want to do, and nothing else. I'm going to blog, even if some of my friends think it's weird. I'm going to write, write and write some more because I love doing it. I'm going to explore different parts of the city I go to school in that I never paid attention to before. I'm going to go get Steak N' Shake with my friends at 3:00 in the morning, even if that means studying less for an exam. I'm going to spend a lot of time on social media. I'm going to do what I love and love what I do.
It's funny to think how much things change in a year. My freshman year, I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do, so I tried out as many different things as I could. My hope was that something would 'click' and I would instantly know that I was on the right path. Last year at this time, however, I was pretty certain I had my life figured out. After shifting between many different career paths, I settled on something that I thought was the right choice for me. Turns out, settling was exactly what I was doing. I was settling on something that I thought others deemed worthy for me to do. It wasn't necessarily what I loved to do, but that hardly mattered to me. Other people seemed to be impressed by it, so that was enough to keep me going... for a short while. Not surprisingly, early on last semester, I realized I didn't want to do that anymore. That 'click' I talked about earlier never really happened.
After bouncing around from dream-to-dream and a summer in NYC doing lots of different things to try and find my passion, I decided that this semester I would just chill out. That doesn't mean I won't be doing anything. No, I'm physically incapable of sitting still for more than 10 minutes. I mean that I'm going to do what I want to do, and nothing else. I'm going to blog, even if some of my friends think it's weird. I'm going to write, write and write some more because I love doing it. I'm going to explore different parts of the city I go to school in that I never paid attention to before. I'm going to go get Steak N' Shake with my friends at 3:00 in the morning, even if that means studying less for an exam. I'm going to spend a lot of time on social media. I'm going to do what I love and love what I do.
…and you should too.
I completely understand where you're coming from. I had a similar issue my first semester sophomore year and it wasn't until I really discovered what I wanted and not what other people wanted from me that I was able to find something that I was happy about. Thankfully, I found a major and a career path that fulfills me and inspires me so much that other people are inspired as well. Best of luck on your journey!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you found something you loved and had the courage to pursue it! That's definitely easier said than done. Thank you for reading!!
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